the secrets of the heart
by beyond-the-twilight
Summary: "I just told you I'm practically in love with you and you only remember the mention of Quinn's name. That's just typical. I seem to have a habit of picking girls in love with other people" - Pezberry friendship/Faberry and Pezberry pairing.


**A/N: Another one-shot written as a prize for silver tears and wasted fears, who gave the following prompt: "Rachel and Quinn are in a secret relationship. The only person who knows is either Puck or Santana (your choice), that person being Rachel's best friend. Rachel is so happy and wants to come out. Quinn continuously doesn't. Eventually Rachel gets tired of it and she breaks up with Quinn. She is comforted by Puck or Santana and ends up with Puck or Santana"**

**AU after Prom Queen. Still do not own Glee. **

* * *

><p>Ever since Brittany and Artie got back together after prom, and she and Brittany both realized that they worked better as friends (and she realized that snatching a girl away from a cripple was kind of heartless), she had been down a best friend.<p>

Ever since primary school, she'd had a best friend, someone who stuck with her no matter what crazy stuff she pulled or how much trouble she got into, so when she realized she didn't have Brittany as a best friend (Artie didn't want the two of them to hang out for a while, and she was more than happy to oblige if it made Brittany happy), she started accepting applications.

Of course, it had to be someone from Glee club. A cheerleader wouldn't do because there was no way her new friend would be allowed to get away with hating the Glee club and ever since she, Brittany and Quinn had quit, Coach had been even harsher, forcing all of the cheer squad to announce their public hatred of the club. Plus, she hated all of those fake ass bitches anyway.

Finnocence was out and so was Trouty Mouth because she refused to listen to her friends rambling about how wonderful Quinn Fabray was. Tubbers herself was out because they never saw eye to eye and she hated the way Tubbers always ordered her around. Chang-squared were out, mainly because the gothic one practically ran away every time she walked into a room. Chocolate Thunder, although okay in small doses, already had a best friend in Beyonce, so that left only one option...

... Man-Hands.

* * *

><p>At first, she was repulsed by the option. She needed a best friend who was hot as hell and could hold her own (she didn't want to have to protect them like she did Brittany) and didn't make her want to kill herself just to get out of the conversation.<p>

But then she started observing Berry, and she came to some very interesting conclusions.

Berry _was _as hot as hell. She remembers that time Beyonce helped give her a make-over and she came to school looking like god's gift to the world, and that other time she dressed up like Britney Spears and all those short skirts that made her legs look a million miles long.

Berry _could _hold her own. Just the other day, she saw Berry lecture one of the football players for touching her without permission, not stopping until the guy apologised and promised to never do it again. Plus, she kept her head held high even when slushies were thrown at her, and she seems to be able to manipulate practically all of the guys in Glee, which could come in handy...

And finally, Berry only drove her insane half of the time. The other half of the time, she was making some very good points, or talking about stuff that wasn't all that boring. When she was friends with Brittany, only half of their conversations actually made sense, so she could tolerate half of Berry's conversations forcing her to imagine her own death.

Really, Berry was the best option. She was hot, fiery, smart and loyal. She could do a lot worse than Berry and there wasn't much better, at least not at McKinley.

* * *

><p>She approaches the midget on a Friday. "Hey smurf, my place after school. Bring vodka"<p>

"I'm sorry Santana but although I'm flattered at the offer, I have plans to wash my hair after school and even if I did accept your invitation, there is no way I would willingly provide you with alcohol" she says politely before turning and walking away, her skirt swishing.

Well damn, she just got rejected by Rachel Berry.

* * *

><p>She doesn't give up easily. She slips notes into Berry's locker, brings her a slushy before school (hey, it worked for Puck when he wanted something from the dwarf) and even sings her a (friendly) song in Glee club but she's playing hard to get.<p>

She loses her patience on a Tuesday after practice. "God Rachel, what more do you want? I've been putting my A-game into this for the last three weeks but you won't budge"

"I'd be delighted to accompany you to the mall after school today Santana, as I overheard you telling Samuel that you needed some new shoes", Rachel replies, flashing a bright smile at the former-cheerleader.

"Wait; hold up... why have you suddenly agreed now?"

"All I wanted was for you to call me Rachel. I've forgiven you for everything you've done to me over the years and all I wanted was for to treat me with some respect and address me by my name"

"I'll meet you by my car after school _Rachel. _Don't be late or I'll leave your ass behind", she grumbles before turning and walking away, biting her lip to stop herself from smiling.

Rachel Berry can _definitely _hold her own.

* * *

><p>So they're friends. It's surprisingly easy to be around the self-proclaimed diva, who is actually quite mellow and relaxed when around real friends.<p>

She finds herself trusting Rachel really easily, spilling her guts about the whole Brittany thing, and she gets more than a few thank you's from the kids in Glee club for calming Rachel down. Apparently, Rachel gets a _lot _of thank you's for making her less of a bitch.

It's a win-win situation for everyone.

She gets Rachel to use normal words and dress in slightly more normal clothes (she kind of loves Rachel's dress sense, but they both know it's time for a change) and in return, Rachel teaches her the names of every Glee club member and helps her score more solo's.

She's never been happier until she finds out that Quinn Fabray has been spending more time with _her _best friend.

* * *

><p>She's <em>not <em>jealous (except she really, really is). She's just annoyed because Tubbers seems to think its okay to just take whatever she wants, whenever she wants it, and she's just sick of that. She had to work really, really hard to become Rachel's friend but Quinn just waltz in like it's her given right.

Rachel's already busy enough with dance and vocal lessons, and it's already hard for them to find time to spend together, but now she has to share that time with Quinn and it's driving her insane.

She knew that Rachel and Quinn had this tentative friendship going since prom and the infamous bitch slap in the bathroom, but she doesn't know why Quinn has suddenly decided to step up her game and cement their friendship now.

(She finds out when Rachel calls her gushing about the fact that Quinn Fabray just kissed her).

* * *

><p>So she's jealous. She's already lost one best friend to a new romantic relationship and she doesn't want to lose Berry too. She's more than a little fond of the midget and she'd prefer it if she could keep her instead of having to find another new best friend.<p>

She tries telling Rachel that Quinn will inevitably hurt her, but Rachel won't listen. She's signing Quinn's praises and saying that she's never been happier, and that really hurts because the happiest she's been is around Rachel, and Rachel doesn't feel the same.

What's worse is she has to listen to Rachel gushing about Quinn all the damn time. It comes with the territory of being the diva's best friend, and although listening to stories about Quinn is awful, she still listens because it's more time to spend with Rach.

She's almost learning to tolerate Quinn when Rachel comes crying to her and all that progress just goes flying out the window.

"I asked Quinn if we could come out to the Glee club because I'm so happy right now and I'm tired of having to contain myself at school but she said no", Rachel cries as she shovels another spoonful of ice-cream into her mouth.

"I'll go and beat some sense into her if you want", she offers sweetly, as she pops another red vine into her mouth.

Rachel's tears quickly stop as she rushes to defend her girlfriend. "Santana, you can't! Quinn will kill me if she finds out that I've been talking to you about our relationship. She's just scared about what everyone's going to think – she's been raised to believe that homosexuality is a sin and it's just going to take a while for her to realize that it's not. I'm just being impatient"

That's when she realizes that Rachel is in love with Quinn Fabray.

* * *

><p>That becomes the story of their life. She watches her best friend in Glee practice and practically radiates with anger at the scene that plays out in front of her. Quinn just walks in and takes a seat next to either Finn or Sam and ignores Rachel's existence for the entire hour and a half rehearsal, not even noticing as Rachel gets progressively sadder and sadder.<p>

She notices as Rachel starts to make more of an effort on appearance, spending hours on her hair and make-up in the effort that Quinn will be overcome at the sight of her beauty and kiss her in front of everyone before announcing their relationship to the whole school. She thinks that Quinn must be made out of stone to resist Rachel who looks more amazing every single day.

When that fails to work, Rachel asks Puck to flirt with her in Glee practice to see the reaction it evokes from Quinn. She hopes (for Rachel's sake) that Quinn will be overcome with jealousy, kiss her in front of everyone and announce their relationship to the whole school (because she's tired of her best friend being unhappy) but Quinn merely clenches her jaw and averts her eyes.

"She really does love me Santana, and we have the most amazing times together but she just can't do any of it in public. She's too afraid of what people will say, and she's terrified that her mum might find out", she rambles one night when she's sleeping over.

She chooses not to say anything and just waits for Rachel to make up her own mind.

* * *

><p>Quinn and Rachel start spending more time at her house and she's still oddly jealous. She convinces herself that it's because she doesn't want to lose her best friend but her heart clenches when the two of them kiss when saying goodbye, or hold hands when watching a movie.<p>

She starts spending less and less time with Rachel on the weekends but more time with her at school and in Glee and she finds herself observing the way Rachel acts more and more often.

On a Sunday night, she'll get a phone call from Rachel, gushing about the weekend she just spent with Quinn and the dates they went on and the lovely things Quinn said. On a Thursday afternoon Glee practice, Rachel will look near tears and sit as far away from Quinn as possible.

When she becomes so tired of Rachel looking like someone just killed her cat, she approaches Quinn with her best bitch face on.

"Listen up Tubbers, Rachel's my best friend and I'm sick and tired of you hurting her. Why can't you just pull your head out and admit that your head over heels in love with the midget before she comes crying to me again and I'll be forced to rearrange your face", she hisses when she manages to corner Quinn one afternoon.

"Santana, while I respect the concern you have for Rachel, there is no reason for you to get involved in our relationship. It's a complicated and delicate situation and Rachel fully understands what is going on so please refrain from threatening me. Oh, and as I'm not pregnant anymore, stop calling me Tubbers", she responds, venom dripping from her voice.

"_Tubbers_, the situation isn't that difficult. You love Rachel and it's painfully obvious to anyone who takes a moment to look at the two of you so do both you and Rach a favour and just come out to Glee club. No one's gonna judge you there"

"Sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of hypocrisy. You are such a hypocrite Santana Lopez... you couldn't tell Glee club that you loved Brittany even though the two of you obviously had something going on for years and now you have the audacity to lecture me on how to handle my relationships?"

"Stop right there..." she warns, her eyes narrowed and her voice containing a barely veiled threat.

"You know what I think?" Quinn asks, but continues on without giving her a chance to interrupt. "I think you've fallen for another one of your best friends and you have no idea how to handle it so you're taking this protective best friend thing to a whole new level in the hopes that it will scare me off. The only problem... I don't scare easily", she finishes before turning on her heel and walking away.

She's left staring after Quinn, wondering when she lost the ground in that conversation.

* * *

><p>The next four months are a blur of Rachel and Quinn's relationship, and she's left standing on the outside looking in.<p>

"Santana, you have to relax. Quinn isn't going to hurt me. We're great together" was followed by "I can't believe I was so stupid. Quinn's never going to be able to admit we're together".

She listens to all the grand gestures Quinn's performed, including sneaking into Rachel's back garden and serenading her through the kitchen windows while she washed the dishes, and hears all about their physical relationship, despite the fact that she would prefer to pour acid into her ears. Mostly, she hears about how Quinn's denial of their relationship cancels out every good thing she does.

She knows how Quinn feels because she used to deny that she was in love with Brittany, but she can't bring herself to feel sympathetic towards Quinn even though she's experienced the same thing because the girl Quinn is messing around with is her best friend.

If Quinn were dating anyone else, she'd help her come to terms with herself and the relationship, but it's not anyone else. It's _Rachel _and she deserves better.

* * *

><p>One Friday night, she has the whole of Glee club at her house. Her parents are away for the weekend and the club's celebrating a successful fundraising mission, so she's more than happy to let them all come over.<p>

Quinn has still refused to come out of the closet and it's really starting to bug her. She's sick of the blonde making her best friend unhappy, and the only thing keeping her from launching herself at Quinn is Rachel's pleads to stop.

She watches as Quinn gets drunker and drunker (girl has never been able to hold her liquor) while Rachel remains sober as it's her turn as the designated driver and just knows that this isn't going to end well.

Eventually, Quinn presses her lips against Puck's, and she watches as Rachel's eyes fill with tears and Lauren (who has recently decided she wants to get back with Puck) looks ready to kill the blonde. She steps in and pulls Quinn and Rachel out of harm's way, depositing them in the kitchen so that they can solve their issues. She didn't expect it to turn into a full on screaming match that could be heard from the other room, and she didn't expect all the Gleeks to stop what they were doing and listen in with fascination.

"Quinn, I can't believe you would do that to me. It's one thing to not want to come out with our relationship but it's another thing entirely to kiss someone else"

"God Rachel, I'm drunk and Puck was there. It didn't mean anything. I love you", Quinn slurs, her voice already a touch defensive.

"And I love you, but I can't do this anymore Quinn. We've been going out for six months and no one but Santana even knows we're together. You need to make a decision – we come out to the Glee club or we break up"

"Rachel, baby, please don't do this. We can survive anything because we're Rachel and Quinn. You're the first person I've ever truly loved"

"I can't do this anymore. This relationship isn't good for me. I need someone who is able to admit that they are dating me, someone who is willing to be linked with me in public without worrying about what other people will think and I need someone who is willing to stand up for me"

"Rach, I do all those things"

"Only in private – in the security of our own homes, you are the most amazing girlfriend I could have wished for, but out in public... it's worse than when we were fighting over Finn Hudson, because at least back then, you would acknowledge me at school"

"Rachel..."

"Go out there right now, and say that we're together. That's all you need to say, Quinn, and I'm yours", she whispers softly in her girlfriend's ear.

"I can't"

"I know", she replies, tugging the blonde into her arms as she starts to cry. "And I don't blame you for that, but I just can't wait for you to be ready. I'm sorry Quinn; I just can't do this anymore"

"I understand", she replies. "I really wanted us to work. I love you like I've never loved Puck or Finn or Sam and I honestly believed that was enough to get us through, but I just can't be this person. I can't be in love with another woman, because no matter how accepting I am of other people, I can't accept it for me"

The Gleeks fall silent as the conversation in the kitchen becomes quieter and she, Santana freaking Lopez, finds herself with tears in her eyes over the heartbreak of her best friend. All she's wanted since Rachel and Quinn got together was for them to break up but now that it's happening, she's devastated for Rachel.

"Alright Gleeks, get back to whatever the hell you were doing", she snaps. "It's none of your business"

Slowly, they all return to their conversations and their drinks and the room is quickly filled with laughter and gossip over Quinn and Rachel and the relationship that just ended.

Silently, she walks upstairs to her bedroom and waits for Rachel to join her.

* * *

><p>The next couple of months are hellish. She had thought Rachel was bad after the epic Finchel break-up in the Christmas tree lot but that was nothing compared to the fallout from the Faberry break-up. It's made worse because Quinn keeps shooting Rachel apologetic looks and the rest of the Glee kids don't know how to mind their own business and are continually pestering Rachel for information on their relationship as well as the break-up.<p>

The two months after the break-up are hellish for her too. She's on permanent ice-cream duty, which means she has to buy ice-cream whenever Rachel texts her, and she spends most of her nights sleeping next to Rachel in her bed, trying her hardest to keep her hands to herself.

She hates how Quinn has so much power over Rachel, even after their break-up, but she loves the fact that Rachel needs her more than ever now.

By the time three months have passed, Quinn's back on the boy wagon, stepping out with Sam on her arm (Quinn's decided that the feelings she had for Rachel were a one-off and that there is no way she's into girls) and Rachel's smiling more and more often.

In fact, she'd say that Rachel is pretty much over it, although she's waiting for her best friend to confirm it before she'd place money on it. There's none of those lingering feelings Rachel had for Finn, and she's sure that it's because Rachel got to end the relationship this time, instead of having no say over it.

And now she's just biding her time, waiting for Rachel to be happy and over Quinn before she makes her move. She's totally in love with Rachel, and it's scaring the hell out of her because she seems to always fall for her best friend (imagine if she'd chosen _Kurt _as her best friend, which she was considering for a couple of days) but she kind of likes the way her heart beats faster when Rachel's around.

(She just hopes she doesn't have to wait forever because Rachel may be worth it, but she's still impatient as hell).

* * *

><p>"I think I'm finally over Quinn", Rachel announces out of the blue one day while they're lounging around watching cartoons.<p>

"About freaking time"

"I know you don't like Quinn but she was a major part of my life for six months and I'd like it if you could please keep your thoughts to yourself when it comes to your hatred of her"

"No. Way. I listened to you complaining about Quinn and how much she was hurting you for six freaking months and didn't say anything because no matter what I said, you would just insist that she loved you. I'm sick of listening to it because no matter how much she loved you, it wasn't enough to come public with your relationship. She's Quinn Fabray, Rach, she could have shaved her head and the school would have still loved her. She survived a pregnancy scandal and lived to tell the tale because she's the golden girl. She was outed as a fraud that changed her entire body and bullied people even though she knew what it felt like and they _still _worshiped her. She could have easily announced she was dating you and no one would have questioned it" she yells, her voice rising at the end as the anger overtakes her.

"Santana..."

"Don't Santana me. She would do all these grand gestures that you swooned over but they weren't all that grand. She serenaded you at your _back window _so no one could see when you thrive on attention. She'd hold your hand when no one was looking and you'd just fall over yourself because Quinn Fabray was touching you. Your entire relationship was a Quinn Fabray production, with no displays of affection, and the constant "teasing but not pleasing" thing. Hell, she treated you worse than her boyfriends because even though she treated them like crap, at least she admitted she was with them"

"Santana, she loved me"

"Sure, she loved you, in her own twisted way. I mean, I don't let anyone close to me but at least I made an effort to come out when I thought I was in love with Brittany. She didn't even try and make you happy, even though it was the one thing you asked of her"

"Santana, please"

"No, it's my turn to talk and you're going to listen. The night you broke up, you said that you needed someone who could admit they were dating you, someone who was willing to be linked with you in public without caring what people thought and someone who was willing to stand up for you. That person's been right in front of you all along"

"What do you mean?"

"I've never once denied our friendship. In fact, I've been claiming you as mine for the last year and I honestly don't care what anyone had to say about it. I've stood up for you when Quinn treated you like crap and I've defended you when the Glee club wants to throw you to the dogs. If you gave me a freaking chance to prove myself, I'd shout that I loved you from the freaking rooftops"

"You defended me to Quinn?"

"I just told you I'm practically in love with you and you only remember the mention of Quinn's name. That's just typical. I have a habit of picking the girls in love with other people"

"No one's ever defended me before, not to Finn, not to Jesse and especially not to Quinn. I can't believe you did that for me. That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me", Rachel whispers, her eyes swimming with tears.

"Wait... what?"

"Thank you Santana, for proving that I'm not alone and there are people that care for me", Rachel says softly, as she gently pulls Santana back down on the couch.

"Wanna be my girlfriend?", she asks Rachel. Now that she's confessed her feelings, it's a good of time as any to make it official.

"Of course I'll be your girlfriend Santana Lopez, but we have to take it slow. I don't want you to receive any backlash from Quinn or even Finn, in case he's decided that now I'm single, he can make a move on me. While I have realized over the last few weeks that I have feelings for you, I think our relationship will only succeed if we give it time to mature"

"Sure, babe, whatever you need, as long as I can call you're my girlfriend", she replies, a rare smile lighting up her face.

The two sit in a comfortable silence, just watching the cartoons, as she slowly reaches for Rachel's hand. This girlfriend thing might now be too bad, and the whole taking it slow thing, although torturous, is probably manageable, especially because she's doing it with the right girl.

* * *

><p>Yeah, the whole taking it slow thing lasts twenty-two minutes, but those twenty-two minutes were <em>very <em>long and torturous (or at least that's what she tells Rachel as she starts their first make-out session).


End file.
